Super-Helper Syndrome in reference to ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) refers to a pattern of behaviour where individuals feel compelled to help others excessively, often to the detriment of their own well-being. People with ADHD may develop this tendency due to a combination of factors such as sensitivity to rejection, a desire to be liked, or using helping as a way to manage their own challenges with self-esteem and identity.
Key Characteristics of Super-Helper Syndrome in ADHD:
- Overcommitting and People-Pleasing:
- Individuals with ADHD may take on more responsibilities than they can handle, saying “yes” to requests even when they’re overwhelmed. This can be driven by a deep need to feel valued or appreciated, or out of fear of disappointing others.
- Fear of Rejection or Criticism:
- The desire to avoid rejection or negative judgment is a significant motivator for those with Super-Helper Syndrome. People with ADHD often struggle with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), making them more likely to seek approval by going above and beyond in helping others.
- Difficulty Setting Boundaries:
- ADHD can make it difficult for people to recognise and maintain healthy boundaries. This can lead to situations where they put others’ needs ahead of their own, leading to burnout, stress, or even resentment.
- Using Helping as a Coping Mechanism:
- Helping others can provide a sense of purpose or structure that might be lacking in other areas of life. It can also be a way to avoid addressing personal challenges, like difficulties with organisation or time management, by focusing attention on others instead.
- Hyperfocus on Helping:
- Individuals with ADHD may become hyperfocused on helping someone, dedicating all their energy to solving someone else’s problem while neglecting their own responsibilities. This intense focus can feel rewarding but is often unsustainable.
- Emotional Burnout and Resentment:
- Over time, constantly prioritising others’ needs can lead to exhaustion, frustration, and a sense of being unappreciated. The person may feel taken advantage of or struggle with resentment because they’ve neglected their own needs in favour of helping others.
Why Super-Helper Syndrome Develops in ADHD:
- Low Self-Esteem: People with ADHD often struggle with self-esteem due to past failures, criticism, or challenges. Helping others can become a way to feel competent, valued, or in control.
- Desire for External Validation: ADHD is associated with a need for external approval, especially in those with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Constantly helping others is one way to seek that validation.
- Difficulty Prioritising: Executive function challenges make it hard for people with ADHD to prioritize their own needs. They might get caught up in helping others because it provides a clear and immediate task that feels easier to manage than their own responsibilities.
Managing Super-Helper Syndrome:
- Setting Healthy Boundaries:
- Learning to say “no” and establishing clear limits is crucial. Individuals with ADHD can practice boundary-setting techniques, like assessing their capacity before agreeing to help or scheduling time for their own needs first.
- Prioritising Self-Care:
- Focusing on self-care and ensuring that personal needs are met before taking on additional responsibilities can prevent burnout. This includes managing time effectively, ensuring adequate rest, and maintaining a balanced schedule.
- Therapy and Coaching:
- Working with a therapist or ADHD coach can help individuals understand why they feel compelled to help others excessively. Therapy can also provide tools to manage underlying self-esteem issues and teach strategies for setting boundaries.
- Recognizing and Addressing RSD:
- Understanding the role of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria in driving these behaviours can be eye-opening. Learning to challenge negative thoughts and reframing the need for external validation can reduce the compulsion to over-help.
- Mindful Decision-Making:
- Taking a moment to pause and reflect before agreeing to help someone can prevent impulsive commitments. Individuals can ask themselves if they truly have the time and energy or if helping is coming from a place of seeking validation.
Conclusion:
Super-Helper Syndrome in ADHD is characterised by a strong urge to help others, often at the expense of personal well-being. This behaviour is often linked to challenges with self-esteem, fear of rejection, and difficulties with setting boundaries. By recognising these patterns and learning to prioritise self-care, set boundaries, and seek validation from within, individuals with ADHD can find a healthier balance between helping others and taking care of themselves.